So I was thinking the other day about my Mama’s cookin’. Why? ‘Cause it was really good this particular night, not that isn’t on most nights because my mother is an excellent cook, but let’s not get sidetracked. What stood out to me was the definition of “Mama’s cookin’”, because aside from siblings, no two people on earth mean the same thing by that term. In the strictest sense, yes, we are all referring to the culinary activities of the women that gave us birth, but beyond that, everyone’s mothers cook differently, be that for better or worse. Now, what struck me as interesting was the potential for a parallel between the term “Mama’s cookin’” and worldviews. Yes, I’m going to attempt to get philosophical on yo mama’s chicken and beans caserole so bear with me.

When you hear someone say something like, “Ain’t no cookin’ like my mama’s cookin’” (for some reason I can’t help but include the southern drawl, you’ll have to forgive me), two things happen. One, you understand that this person enjoys their mother’s food, and two, you immediately apply your experience with your own mother’s cooking in order to better understand what this person means. However, you really aren’t imagining their mother’s food becuase you have no idea. You understand what the person is saying, but you really don’t, having never been invited to dinner at said person’s house, too bad for you.

Now if we can step back from that illustration for a second, and now think of the phrase “Mama’s cookin’” as meaning, “the way I see the world”. Whoa. That’s a loaded statement. And yet frightfully similar, because upon hearing that, you understand the statement as referring to every experience in someone’s life up to that moment and how those experiences have shaped the way they see things, but you have no idea what those experiences are or their effect on the person saying this.

Now, as humans, we have a problem letting people alone. As a Christian, if I’m perectly honest, I want everybody to think like I do. I have an atheist friend who is quite outspoken about his unbelief, and again, I imagine, would prefer people think like he does. So we argue. We run around on this planet trying to convince each other we’re right by the strength of our arguments, often without even knowing the person we’re arguing against.

Here, at last, we’ve reached the point. Knowing people. I think the key to winning arguments is not arguing. Wait, what? That makes no sense. Let me explain. It’s relationships, I think, that lie at the heart of testing the truth of things. Because really that’s what an argument is, it’s two or more people that disagree about the truth of something and set to debating about it in order to convince everyone that they know the real truth, and everyone should agree with them. And by the way, I’m leaning towards fundamental existential arguments here. Things like, is there a God? or should we bother being good to people and for what? Things that completely alter the way we live, not “It’s my lollipop!” No, it’s MY lollipop!!!” Because, in order to understand what the person you may happen to be arguing with is talking about, you have to know what their mother’s cooking tastes like. That is to say, you have to have been over for dinner enough to get a good idea of the style, the flavour, and the creativity of their mother’s cooking, if you get my meaning. To just say “This is how I see the world.” “OH YEAH?! Well this how I see the WORLD!!!” doesn’t really mean anything. And to try to explain what that means, even if you are articulate enough to communicate it, doesn’t prove anything, because the person you’re talking to can not view the practical outcome of your chosen worldview.

That, I think, is where things get real. When someone can look at your life, and say, “Wow, whatever makes that person think the way they do, I want it. Because it changes them, it makes them joyful, it makes them generous, it makes them humble” or whatever “it” may do. If literally everything that happens to someone changes the way they see the world, how supremely arrogant it would be to just walk up and say they’re wrong, even if they are, without first making the effort to understand the lens they see the world through. Get to know people, figure out what makes them tick, try some of their mom’s food, and while you’re at it, invite them over for dinner at your place.

“If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say it.” The phrase alone conjures up an image of a wisened old grandmother offering sage advice to a youngster who, in all the cockiness of youth, thinks it sounds naive. But I’m not so sure it is naive. You see, it’s rather a loaded sentence. People like to find ways to pick it apart, saying adherents to this creed never have the guts to correct those in the wrong. They say it’s impractical, and not conducive to things like constructive criticism. But I humbly disagree. In fact, I think the world would be a whole lot better off, looking at the kind of things eliminated from conversation, if this addage is followed.

What I think it comes down to is the definition of good. Whoa, that’s a big can of worms, but let’s tackle a small bit of that, and we’ll keep it in context to make our lives a little easier. Okay, so the first critique, those who say that people who try to follow this guideline don’t have the gumption ( good. I’m talking about healthy, loving, I’m-telling-you-this-for-your-own-good correction. Many people automatically think of correction as a bad thing, but I’m not convinced. For example, if I’m hurting someone I love, it may not be, in fact it’s probably not, intentional. So, in a case like that, I want, no Ineed someone to correct me. Not to say I’m always receptive to correction, God help me, but I need to know if my behaviour is hurtful, because I fully admit that often I lack the empathy to recognize it myself. So yes, if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say it. But correction can be good if it’s done the right way.

Ok, next one; it leaves no place for constructive criticism. Honestly, that’s just wrong. First of all, what we commonly call constructive criticism is very rarely constructive. In fact, it seems to do a whole lot more to discourage those on the recieving end than construct anything. Now, that’s not to say stop encouraging others to be the best at what they do, which may require some tough words sometimes. But again, it’s the way it’s done. Too often, I’ve heard “constructive criticism” used as a sorry excuse for blatant cynicism, coming from the mouth of someone wearing a smug grin that may or may not need to be slapped off their face. (good, and therefore still applies to “If you have nothing good to say…”

What I love about this phrase is its simplicity. It’s a concise, sweeping phrase that has some serious ramifications in its ten words. Following this bit of generational wisdom, we find things like arrogant judgmentalism, lazy and unproductive cynicsm, crude and very not clever humour, and pointless complaining begin to disappear from conversation. As humans, we love to judge each other, which in my opinion is of the most destructive trends in humanity. Judgement amongst fellow humans has a nasty tendency to originate in some deluded sense of self-righteousness, and rather than produce any kind of useful conviction in the listener, it rather breeds resentment or despair in its victims. I point to the words of Christ, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Cynicism is the same. It sprouts in jealousy; why develop talent of my own when I can so much more easily point out the faults in everyone elses? Humour? Now don’t get me wrong, I love humour, but I think I’m starting to realize more and more is that humour is an art form, and crude humour is as much art as throwing mud at a wall. I think if people put the effort into being more intelligent in their laugh-making endeavours, life could be a lot funnier. Finally, complaining. We complain a lot, don’t we? I mean, my commute was so long, class was so boring, I had to wake up so early, my fries were cold, my haircut looks stupid, my orange mint half-fat double whip mochaccino was too strong… you get the point. And really, we live in a pretty fantastic society as far as comfort goes. Morally, whole different story, but as far as what we complain about, it’s so trivial. Be grateful!!! Seriously, life’s pretty awesome. You just have to look at it that way!

I’m gonna repeat it once more… IF YOU DON”T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY, DON’T SAY IT! Am I good at this? No. Is most of society? No. Would it be a good idea? Yes. Am I going to work on it? Yes. So join me. Let’s root out what makes human interaction so unbearable sometimes. I would love to go the rest of my life knowing that no one ever came out of a conversation with me feeling depressed, despaired, or compromised ever again. I really would. There’s a scripture I find really meaningful found in James 1, “If those who claim devotion to God don’t control what they say, they mislead themselves. Their devotion is worthless.” Hmm, sounds like what my grandma’s been saying all these years ;)

Alright, so now that you’ve hopefully gotten past your “What the heck?” moment after reading the title, let me explain. I enjoy rollerblading. The following analogy also applies to riding a bike and driving a car, both of which I do regularly, but this particular train of thought hit me while rollerblading (speaking of which, it applies to trains as well, but enough of that :)

So I was rollerblading along, enjoying one of the few beautiul sunny days out of the rain we’ve had recently when I started to notice how quickly I slowed down when I stopped moving my legs. “No duh, Patrick, how incredibly insightful.” Hold on, just bear with me. At this moment the physics I took in high school immediately resurfaced in my mind and I thought, “Hmmm… friction and gravity. You’re not making this very easy on me.”  Friction opposes motion, as my much missed physics teacher Mr. Fedyna always said, and gravity, well you should probably know what that is by now. And here I am and the only force driving me forward is the determination to keep my legs going stride after stride. I began to question why I willingly choose to do this, strap wheels to my feet and go out and battle the forces of nature. The obvious answers come to mind; it keeps you fit, it’s a breath of fresh air on a beautiful day, it’s a way to get away from the rat race for a while, whatever. But seriously, here I am sweating, breathing hard, tryiing to keep momentum up a hill so pedestrians don’t start passing me,  on my own, without even a girl to impress with the skill I have on rollerblades from a decade of ice hockey. What am I doing? 

It’s a lot like life, isn’t it?  Here we have two forces, one pulling us back, one pulling us down, and only our own dogged will to give us any kind of motion, and we don’t even know why we’re doing it most of the time. What’s the point? Why do we as human beings consistently submit ourselves to all kinds of pain and toil in pursuit of some intangible ideal or dream, maybe a particular sum of money, or what we’ve convinced ourselves is our dream job? Because there will always be opposing forces. Friction will always be there, pulling you back, tugging on you, testing your commitment. Gravity is an ever-present entity, and as soon as you start to rise, he will pull you back down again, sometimes forcefully. Why do we do it?

At this point, I crested the hill I was on and wow, what a feeling. Going downhill now, I locked my legs into a comfortable stance and let the hill do its work. And suddenly, gravity was a good friend! He was pulling me down this hill so obligingly I didn’t have to work for an inch! And I continued to think, so is friction! Because for all of gravity’s fine intentions, if he pulls me too fast, I’ll crash into something, or possibly someone, if they’re unlucky. But friction’s keeping me at a good pace! He’s the comfortably restraining arm keeping me from harm.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is know what you’re fighting for, and who you’re fighting for. Becuase if you’re only fighting for yourself that should be a hint that something’s wrong to begin with. But know what it is you’re doing it, and why, because things like Gravity and Friction can work for you as much as against you, but you have to get over the hill first. And in order to have the drive to do that, you have to know what it is you’re doing it for. If you don’t, you’ll decide to give up the fight halfway up, and not only does all progress stop, but gravity will bring you straight back down to the bottom, only in this case you’re facing backwards, and you’re still on the side you started on. So don’t give up when things get tough. I saw a quote on Twitter today from a pastor of mine, Jeremy Postal, saying, “Remember, amateurs quit or only clock in when they’re feeling inspired. Pros show up every day, good or bad, and just keep going.” So be a pro, but in order to be a pro, you have to know what you’re getting in to, and make sure it’s worth it. So take a moment, examine your beliefs, your goals, and what brings you alive. That’s between God and you to figure out, but it’s worth it. Now go try rollerblading, it’s a lot of fun. :)

So I thought I’d start this tumblr thing by reposting some old articles I wrote. New ones to come soon!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how amazing everything is. No seriously, I know it sounds cheesy but bear with me. Sometimes I find myself grumbling about my daily commute to Langley, only to crest the hill at Mt. Lehman on my way back just as the sun is setting, lighting Mt. Baker on fire in an ethereal display of pinks and oranges no artist could ever fully reproduce. It reminds me that, even in the middle of a city, where everything around is man-made, temporary and pining to come close to nature’s inherent majesty, what raw beauty there is to be found in the sky. It’s at that moment, straining to not lose sight of Baker inside the confining metal cage that is my Chevrolet Sprint, that I realize no matter what happens, there is something that’s not going away, a wonder behind whatever clouds may veil it in the moment.

It seems this happens whenever I see something so untamed, so untrying in it’s splendour. I launch into existential musings about how small we as humans are, how meaningless are all our hustle-and-bustle, touch-and-go lifestyles, and maybe we should all just go off and live in the mountains, where nature would mother us with her natural bounty, her endless creatures for sustenenace, and ever-flowing brooks for our thirst…  then some jock in an SUV switches lanes behind me and passes me going 130 kilometres an hour, coarsely pointing out I let my speed slip to 20 below the limit, lost in an inward philosophical dialogue, and any resemblance to Socrates is lost as I suddenly wonder if he can feel my glare through his tinted windows.

It isn’t hard to lose focus on what really matters. Just like belligerent SUV guy with one traffic decision veered me off a moment of child-like wonder, I find myself losing sight of the important things in life in favour of the next thing on my to-do list. I use an amazing machine called an iPod to keep me organized, but when I fill it up with so many dates and deadlines I find myself becoming more machine than man myself. I lose cordiality talking to people because I’m in a rush. The warm, goodhearted attitude I try so hard to keep up seems to get replaced by cold efficiency more often than I’d care to admit.

I guess my point is I think it’d be nice to slow down for a while. You know, take some time to talk to that tired looking Starbucks employee. Ask a teacher how their life has been, be grateful for the free education they give for a less-than-savoury salary. When you hear a song, listen to the lyrics, there’s probably some meaning there you didn’t notice before (with the exception of pop music ;). Maybe it’s just time for many of us to remember that we are first people, before we are efficient. We are first human, before we have any responsibilities or deadlines. We are first souls, in a world that can’t handle anything deeper than the skin.

So take some time to appreciate life for what it is, a beautiful struggle, a noble fight, an endless series of opportunities to have a lasting impact on those around you, whether through your humility and generosity when times are good, or through your steadfast hope and kindness in the worst of circumstances. Things will get better, so don’t lose your wonder, don’t forget there is beauty in this world, there is hope for the hopeless, there is love for those who don’t know what love is, even SUV guy… :)